It’s Tuesday, and I’m at my job as a nursing aide in a senior day center. I’ve been coloring with the seniors for several minutes, and I’m already getting tired of the task. My mind goes to stuff that I prefer to think about–“Total Drama,” my story ideas, and my college class this afternoon. 

Soon I start getting agitated, wondering what the whole point of this job even is. My stomach feels funny, my thoughts are racing in a negative direction, and I want to just get up and leave now. Then my coworker turns on the music, the same classic rock that all of the seniors like, and it’s the last straw for me. I get up and storm over to the sitting area, screaming about how much I hate my job and everyone there. Then I get on my phone and start reading political stuff, shirking my duties for the rest of the day.

This is what it’s like to be me on a random Tuesday. I have autism, which causes my brain to be wired differently from most other people’s. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, autism is a developmental disability caused by differences in the brain, which affects behavior, communication, socialization and learning. Autistic people’s capabilities can vary significantly. 

For me, it means that I can absorb information much faster than the average person, making me very knowledgeable on many topics. After years of intensive reading, I scored in the 97^th percentile of SAT scores, and got almost perfect grades in all school subjects. This trait is an advantage for my creative abilities, as I have many more facts and stories to draw on for my own pieces. 

However, it also means that I get distracted easily, like when I’m supposed to be doing my schoolwork but a new story idea pops into my head, and I end up focusing all my time on the latter instead of the former. 

I also get very anxious when things don’t go the way I want them to. It could be a change in my schedule, or not getting the results that I want, or just being in a bad mood. When that happens, my thoughts quickly jump to outbursts, racial slurs, running away, screaming and crying…you get the drift.

As bad as all of this sounds, it was ten thousand times worse in middle and high school. You see, I attended a therapeutic day school for eight years, and it wasn’t very good for me. One of the biggest issues I faced was being physically restrained whenever I would have an outburst at school. Those experiences only worsened my aggression issues, as I perceived the restraints as yet another threat to my safety. In addition, I wasn’t disciplined consistently, as I would sometimes be punished severely, and other times I’d get off with no consequences. 

And the biggest problem for me was a complete lack of social and vocational training. As a result, I was seriously depressed and angry throughout my time there, with reading and writing being my only coping skills. To be fair, there were some good things about the place, such as occupational and speech therapy, plus counseling.

My life took a 180 turn for the better when I enrolled in a transitional program in 2020. The biggest draw was that it was a very small classroom, so we all got the individual attention we needed. In addition, I was able to access internships when COVID restrictions were lifted, and there was a big focus on social activities. And the best part was meeting with a therapist who’s actually trained in dealing with autistic clients. 

I started taking medications for my anxiety, which lessened my outbursts a whole lot. Plus, I began seeing an outside therapist once a week, one who’s also trained in working with members of the autistic community. I blossomed as a person thanks to all of these changes, which finally enabled me to attend college.

In fall 2021, I started taking online courses at Moraine Valley, signing up for a creative writing class. I continued this pattern for a whole year, until I decided I was finally ready for (Gasp!) IN-PERSON COLLEGE! And taking TWO classes at a time! 

That worked out well for me, thanks to my mama, who devoted part of her time to being my assistant in order to give me guidance and emotional support. I’m registered with the Disability Center at Moraine Valley, and have to send a letter at the beginning of each in-person class detailing my accommodations.

I was lucky with my first in-person class, as it was a creative writing course led by Eric DeVillez, who was supportive and understanding of my needs, and I had great classmates, who all helped my writing skills flourish.

The final step in acclimating to the neurotypical world was getting a regular job. I spent most of late 2022 searching for one, applying for many local jobs, and even having an interview at Raising Cane’s. However, after some behavioral issues, I accepted my dad’s offer for a job at his company’s senior day center. It’s had its ups and downs, but I’ve managed to stay and thrive there for seven months and counting now.

As an autistic young woman, I’ve struggled with forming and maintaining relationships for most of my life. Some of the characteristics of autism include social impairment, communication difficulties, and repetitive behaviors. 

It can be frustrating having to explain to everyone that you ARE disabled and need accommodations and acceptance, and no, you aren’t faking anything. It’s very disillusioning when your needs aren’t taken seriously, and it can damage any potential for close relationships with people around you. 

My hope is that the people around me take the time to see me as my own person and not just someone with a disability. Just like everyone else, I have likes and dislikes, strengths and weaknesses, and a personality that’s my own. 

Here are some things you should know about me.

I wrote an entire novel over the summer of 2020, which I’m still proud of, looking back. It’s about two teenage amputees in Canada who suffer from similar personal issues that draw them to each other in a shared time of need.

For me, summer is often an opportunity to travel to Egypt to be with my extended family. I love spending time with all of my cousins on both parents’ sides, and I spend my time on the flights, which take 20 hours in total, to read new books!

I like to be funny and love to come up with new jokes to tell others. Most of them concern dark topics like systemic racism, since it’s my favorite way to tackle these sorts of issues. 

And finally, I think that I’m an empathetic person, able to put myself into almost anyone else’s shoes. It doesn’t matter whether they’re a real person or not, I just have this ability to get into characters’ thoughts and emotions. I worry a lot about what’s going on in the world and the direction it’s taking, and my writing is partially a coping mechanism for these fears. I hope that I can make a positive impact through my stories.

I hope you will take the time to get to know a college student with a disability. I’m not alone; about 20 percent of all college students have at least one sort of disability, the majority of them in the “invisible” category. 

More disability awareness is needed on college campuses, and I hope that acceptance and inclusion are extended towards every other disabled college student.

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GRAPHIC BY EMILY STEPHENS

PHOTOS COURTESY OF SAMAA YOUSEF