Volume 5, Issue 3: November 2025

Who am I without you?

Even before the beginning, we were inseparable. We came into the world together, already with nine months of history between us. I did not stop crying until I saw you outside, until we were together again in our mother’s arms.

Growing up, we were always The Two, The Pair, The Duo. Every moment of our lives we spent together, exploring the world around us. Playgrounds, libraries, homes–these were all our canvases for our vivid imaginations, fueled by our unbreakable bond.

It was stronger than any other familial love, more lasting than any happily ever after. We always knew what the other felt, or was thinking, even before they said anything. I always cherished these experiences, seeing them as yet another thing setting us apart from the rest of the world. A world that did not value us because of our skin tone, because of our language, because of our voices.

So we grew into each other’s protectors. I was always the genius, the one who came up with ideas, often at speeds too fast to measure. You were the scientist, cobbling logic into our stories, crafting continuity for ourselves and our friends.

We were writing our first novel when you got sick. It was to be a story of family and love, of magic and adventure. But cancer took that away from us, took you away from me.

Even before the beginning, we were inseparable.

Now I am alone forever. I no longer have a shield against this world’s cruelty, against its lies and hypocrisy.

I can no more read and enjoy a book than a corpse can come to life and dance. Food no longer tastes appealing to me; I eat only because I have to live. Our friends have become strangers to me, their words about love and loss falling flat in my ears.

They have not lost their soul-bound half, their best friend, and their truest bond all at once. So I simply don’t speak to them anymore. In fact, I don’t speak much to anyone anymore. My memories of you are my only companion now, and even those are bittersweet, since I cannot bring you back for more, cannot go back to those cheerful days of being a pair.

What am I without you?


featured image graphic by EMILY STEPHENS

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