I think back to 2020  

with a sick sense of nostalgia,  

those early days when two weeks off  

felt like a gift

before we understood the cost.  

a sick sense of nostalgia  

for milestones that slipped away

graduations that never happened,  

prom dresses left unworn,  

birthdays spent on screens  

with people who might not see one another again. 

we sat on our phones, scrolling past  

death tolls and empty shelves,  

images of makeshift masks and quiet streets.

we became unfazed.

a sick sense of nostalgia  

for a world unprepared,  

fumbling through a “new normal”  

we were too young to understand.  

I still feel like that eighteen-year-old,  

waiting for something to return to,  

wondering what we lost  

and what part of me stayed there

staring at a screen,  

caught between panic and numbness,  

filled with a sick sense of nostalgia  

for a time I never wanted to relive. 

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PHOTOGRAPHY BY NIKI KOWAL