By Keylin roach, Velocity Contributor
All I could do was stand there as my clammy hands struggled to cover my ears, trying to silence the cackles of laughter penetrating my skin; threatening to tear me apart. My arms and feet felt as if they were chained to the ground, digging into my skin every time I thought of running away.
“Things are only scary when you can see them,” I told myself as I closed my eyes. But like a nightmare edged into my mind, I could still see their stares, watching me through the darkness of my slumber-filled eyes.
Sweat ran down my face as the marbles and clothes of a Barbie I played with lay scattered about. The evening sun chased the clouds as I froze there, hoping someone or something would help get me out of this situation. Deep down, I knew it was futile. Lunchtime had passed, and the only adults not cleaning up the mess or helping put the toddlers to sleep were off playing with the kids they were sponsoring. I was left to fend for myself. But I was used to it.
No one here cries. Why would they? We are orphans, the forgotten scum. A burden for eternity. You learn early on that no one cares about you. We are survivors, but not because we wanted to. We carry the weight of all the terrible things this world offers.
“Look- look, everybody, her new mother has wrinkles and gray hair,” said a voice, followed by the sounds of laughter fading into the distance.
“Aren’t you embarrassed?” said another with a little attitude. My face was on fire as tears started to fill my eyes.
They were the bulls, and I was the man in red, left to defend myself as the crowds gathered and watched. My defenseless hand could not protect me, as I was drowning in the sea of chaos.
“I heard they take little girls like you and sell them!” I listened to a boy hiss before poking me in the arm, only to run off with his friends to play some made-up game.
My brain started dancing with images of what might become of me if I decided to go with the couple whose skin was a shade I had never seen before. I knew this place had nothing to offer my sister or me. We were girls in a country that wished we didn’t exist. Death sat at our doorstep with every shot of gunfire. The only protection we knew was the twelve-foot wall that separated us from the drug cartels that ran our streets.
“Why do you always cry, you big baby?” screeched a voice I knew far too well. I couldn’t see her as the sweat from my face started seeping into my eyes, igniting them like fireworks, fueled by my salty tears. How would this end?
Things were happening quickly now, and the suspense was terrifying. The hairs on my body shot up as a shock ran down my spine. I opened my eyes, the pain and temptation too overwhelming. When I did, a wave of strong emotions barreled towards me, seemingly wiping me out. When it dissipated, the monster of kids taunting me had towered over me with ten heads and long, sharp teeth. I choked back the tears, trying to escape. Where to go?
“Why did they pick you out of all the kids here!?” the monster screeched, licking its teeth as it crept closer, taunting me like a wave to a sandcastle. “You’re too small for anyone to notice!” it angrily growled. With every step it took, the ground shook. All the colors were stripped from me as a black tunnel formed, getting smaller, forcing me to face it.
What happens when you’re stuck in a nightmare and no one to turn to? Do you continue to run? Do you scream or fight? Or, in my case, do you watch as a new reality unfolds, and everything you know dares to evaporate?
I was suspended, unable to move. In my mind, a battle raged on. I had two choices: get up and fight or let the bull run me over. Neither seemed pleasant. I was no knight in shining armor; I was just a little girl trying to survive. I was snapped back to reality when the monster barked my name, reminding me who was in charge—reminding me that I was nothing. I felt like an astronaut whose tether had snapped, causing me to spin out of control in space. I gave up; there was no other option.
Then I heard a faint sound. It was summerly and sweet. The air filled with her embrace’s syrupy aroma as she grabbed my stone-cold shoulder. The darkness the monster had brought faded, and a kaleidoscope of light shattered through. I was caught off guard, assuming she had forgotten me again. But there she was, my anchor, my only family, my six-year-old sister to the rescue, back from her playground encounters and ready to help me.
“Alright, everyone! That’s enough! Unless you want me to bring the Madre’s out here,” my sister warned. We had been together since I was born but often separated, as we had to play within our age group at the Hogar. “Leave her alone! Come with me, they are waiting for us,” said my sister with her angelic voice, sweet like honey enough to make the bears gitty.
She grabbed my hand. I wasn’t alone anymore. We marched intently towards the brown door, but before we did, I turned around, puffed out my chest, squinted my eyes in disgust and did the only thing left I could do. I stuck out my tongue in defiance and stormed away. I was getting the final word.
My head was swirling with thoughts of other things I could have said or done. But before I got any deeper into despair, I was interrupted by the loud sound of rubber tires coming to a halt and the slamming of heavy metal. The butterflies in my stomach woke up as she twisted the door knob. I looked down the dark hallway to the front gate.
This wasn’t the first time a couple wanted to interview us. My legs got all wobbly and pudding-like as the walls started warping around me, opening and closing like lungs. We trenched our way to the lobby where the meeting was being held.
There waiting for me was the couple whose skin was as white as the clouds. The gray-haired old lady they had brought for the last visit wasn’t there. The couple loomed over everyone like giraffes. I scurried behind my sister’s leg as they inched closer to us. The echoes of what the kids had said lingered in my ears.
“Was I really worth all this trouble to get? What are they planning to do with me? Were they hiding something behind that warm smile?” The butterflies turned into raging crows the more I let those ugly thoughts crowd my head. But with a blink of an eye, they sprung open their suitcase. My heart sank.
“Were they planning to stuff me in the suitcase!?” I internally thought. They started taking out different-sized clothes, books and toys one by one. They were speaking a language I didn’t understand. Fear slowly melted into curiosity.
The sun was painting the evening sky as it bear-hugged what little clouds remained. I took a deep breath. As we walked towards the car, I turned to see if the monster was still there, but when I did, what once was a devil-like creature who snared at my very existence was no more. In its place were children whose eyes spoke a thousand words.
“Could we have those toys, that candy? Those beautiful clothes?” It was becoming more clear—more in focus. The heavy heart beating was slowing to a purr. Perhaps I could trust this moment. These people. This change. Perhaps I would finally be set free.
Velocity 
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