The day Samantha Plaia decided to go shopping at a Lululemon store, she instantly regretted it.
“I was the only Black customer, so I immediately felt awkward,” she said. “I could feel everyone looking at me, and I just didn’t feel like I belonged, so I left after only a few minutes.”
Plaia, both Black and Polish, struggles to find a middle ground of accepting herself as a person. She moved in with her Polish grandmother and uncle after living with her Polish mother until she was only 5 years old.
“When I look back, sometimes I do kind of resent her for not being with me,” she admits, “but at the same time I understand and she has her own problems to work through that couldn’t be achieved if I was there with her.”
Not knowing who her father is, Plaia grew up as the only Black person in her family. Raised by her grandma, she only knew one side of her family.
“I didn’t have other Black family members or even other Black friends, so I basically had to figure out how to ‘be Black’ by myself,” she recalls.
Looking through her memories, Plaia remembers the times in school where she just couldn’t find the right place to fit in. In elementary school, Plaia was able to get along more with her other Polish classmates. By middle school, she had a solid white friend group to stick with. With her appearance, however, explaining to her peers she was also Polish proved to be an obstacle.
“There were always questions,” she said. “I didn’t have other Black friends or even people of color so I had to learn to fit in with my white peers, and honestly it was pretty difficult.”
In her 7th grade year, she spent most of her time trying to fit in. Feeling conscious of looking different than everyone else she knew, she began to slowly change who she was. As she began to style her 3B hair to look more straight and change how she dressed to look like her friends, Plaia began to lose herself in the process.
“It took me time to realize that I don’t have to try to fit in with these people and try to be accepting of myself.”
Samantha Plaia
“I remember whenever the topic of music came up, I would just match with what everybody else was saying,” she says.
Hiding who she was in an effort to be accepted by her friends, she was willing to change anything. But staying with her white friend group felt like a safer option than getting along with other students, as she was afraid of being framed as “too white” to be with her Black peers.
By the time she entered her first year at Amos Alonzo Stagg High School, Plaia started becoming fed up with the alterations. She began to feel how uncomfortable she had become with herself and sick of trying to constantly fit in.
“It took me time to realize that I don’t have to try to fit in with these people, and try to be accepting of myself,” she said.
Instead of overthinking whether she was meant to be more “Black” or more “Polish,” Plaia found her own enjoyment in things without worrying how to be either. Taking the time in her freshman year to discover her real self, she found the things where she could truly express herself.
Music began to be her new wordly escape, far away from worrying what others could think or say about her taste.
“Listening to music is my number one thing,” she says, smiling. “I really love RNB and KRNB. I also love to listen to NCT, Umi, Hojean, SZA. They’re all the best.”
Music had taught her to accept her different tastes, teaching her the art of exploring. She no longer felt like she had to listen to certain music to be like everybody else. But her bigger passion for fashion really took her out of the box.
Throughout her freshman year she experimented with different styles and took enjoyment in dressing without trying to impress. She takes a lot of time to make Pinterest boards to inspire her passion for fashion.
“I realized that I should dress for myself and what I enjoy and feel comfortable in,” she said. “I feel really free.”
In the future, Plaia has plans to go to fashion school, to fully immerse herself into the fashion world and build her creativity.
“Currently, I love to wear maxi skirts. I have a brown one that fits perfectly for the summer,” she said.
Now 17 and a senior in high school, Plaia is thankful for the growth and acceptance she’s gone through on her own.
“I no longer feel chained to this persona I have to be. I don’t have to try so hard to be Polish. I don’t have to try so hard to be Black. I just have to try hard to be myself,” she said.
“I love the fact that I can relate to very specific things that are unique to only multiracial people or mixed people.”
Samantha Plaia
Dropping her old friend group by her sophomore year, Plaia opened her world to new people with different identities and shared their differences together. By meeting new people and becoming friends with people she thought she wouldn’t be able to before, Plaia learned that acceptance is the best decision someone can make.
She met a girl named Demi, who’s also Black and shares a love of fashion and music. While at first Plaia was careful to be outcast as “too white,” the two have become best friends and support each other through their weaknesses.
Plaia is grateful to finally becoming accepting of herself as an individual with multiple identities.
“I love the fact that I can relate to very specific things that are unique to only multiracial people or mixed people,” she says. “I can connect with multiple cultures and different groups of people, and I love that about myself.”
Velocity 
Leave a comment