We’ve all been through first-day anxieties. Sweaty palms, a lightning-fast heart beat, or a churning stomach. Excited but also scared to go through all new territory. The day feels full of blockades.
As we settle into a new college school year, how do we get over that fear and instill in ourselves a sense that we belong here?
Increasing numbers of students suffer from loneliness. In a recent report, young adults were found to have some of the highest rates of loneliness across all adults in the U.S., a wave left behind by the COVID-19 pandemic.
Our previous lack of social interactions bounces back in full force, only adding to our nervousness and awkwardness. But without social connections, the consequences can be underlying health issues and even less success academically.
The need for connection is part of us from the time we’re born, as shown in an experiment in the 1970s by Ed Tronick. The study included a baby and a mother sitting face-to-face while playing and smiling. The mother then turned around and then looked back at the baby with a “still face” for two minutes. The baby attempted to regain the mother’s attention, pointing or smiling to make her smile again. With no response, the baby became distressed and frustrated until the mother gave her attention back to the child.
This experiment teaches us about the importance of holding connections with others, and the way our nervous system can react to the frustration of feeling unseen.
Start by looking in the mirror – literally
So what’s the first step? It starts with you.
“There’s a deep, deep part of us that when we don’t feel seen, there’s a part of us that’s like, ‘I’m literally not gonna survive,’” says Moraine Valley counselor Sara Levi. “The best way for us to feel comfortable forging connections with other people is to do some slight work on the connections with ourselves first.”
Levi shares a technique to practice being comfortable with ourselves first before looking for validation from others.
“One of the best things we can do that is incredibly powerful is to both practice being the seer of other people and seeing ourselves,” she said.
Here’s how it works: Take a minute to look into the mirror and focus on your own eyes. Think about the eyes that are looking back at you and what they have seen throughout your life, since you were born. Spend some time observing this person and experience what it’s like being the observer but also what it might feel like being seen. Using this technique, feel and listen to the connection you start to form within yourself and what your thoughts are telling you.
Next, take steps to connect with others
Here are some tips from Moraine Valley counselor Souzan Naser to help college students get back on their feet and bring social connections back to their optimal level.
- Get involved in clubs and organizations in order to expand comfort zones, meet new people, and explore interests.
- Strike up a conversation with lab partners or classmates. Ask a few questions about projects or homework and go from there.
- Attend campus events like basketball games or a show in the Fine and Performing Arts Center, and invite classmates to attend with you.
- Disconnect from social media. Take time to be in the moment and create real-life relationships.
Students struggling with loneliness or any other personal problems can receive help by talking with a counselor at Moraine’s Counseling and Career Development Center, located in S202. To make an appointment, students can call 708-974-5722 or email counseling@morainevalley.edu
Forming new connections can feel overwhelming for college students, but it’s possible and overall helpful to the college experience. First, you have to connect with yourself, becoming familiar with your own thoughts and experiences. After that, you can pour more effort into getting to know your fellow college mates, and make some great friendships as a result!
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